sort of regret.

i messed up.

i miss chewy, talking to her with semi real words that i wanted to happen.

talking to farah asking her how her day was.

talking with syaq about matters and opinions.

chilling with william when our friendship mattered a little more than now.

talking nonsense with the cheerful milton.

discussing really random events with leonard.

talking to irving and making calls to girls secretly.

spending nights on the phone with sipei and slowly realising that she's fun to talk to.

small hellos how are yous eaten already wheres who n who with vanessa.

making sure not to step wrongly with xue er.

facebooking yuling.

envying xiao yuan when shes at australia.

having conversations with elijah over a stick of cigarette.

pampering dearest yirong whenever her princessy side came out.

jamming a little with yang tze.

being a little interested with stella, and missing her when she went MIA.

making sure not to offend the very sensitive augustine.

small bouts of unacknowledged competivity with mohsen.



chewy,u wrote

"rmb i told u before, alot of times that the hoodlum era is over? actually, i realise after all that i said, it was a mean to convince myself that, i should get over the whole hoodlums can hang out like we used to..sigh. i miss everyone"

i dont know happened, and im sure at some point in our advancement of our personal lives, when we have our quiet moments like the one that i have now, we think back, we miss a little, we reminisce alot, and we move on until we approach another pause.
The Hoodlums. that was the only time i ever had so many friends i wanted to care about.
maybe i should try to patch things up.
maybe we're just waiting for someone to do that. to call everyone out and lepak.
if only it was true.

if it is, i'll bring you in my blood pumper, dear yirong.
yeah, i'll give it a try.

the hoodlums version 2.

a lifetime of bad decisions.

if only i was the white ranger.

i could've made things better.

im sorry i didnt stand by you when there were those awkward meets.
im sorry i didnt listen fully to your side of the story.
im sorry you had to go through that, but you went through it splendidly, and i envied him.
im sorry i didnt hug you when you started crying near the 2 dollar shop.
im sorry to have let you feel lonely because someone treated you coldly, u must understand. he loved you but could not have you, thus he distanced.

i miss:
your dimples
your hair
smelling your hair when u sat next to me
your humour
your patience
your love for ice cream
your typing in a frenzy when there are alot of people in a chat, u made me feel lightheaded as i typed along with u


i miss you terribly. i hope you dont read this nor does anyone who you know. but if you do, i still think of you.

au qiu yi, more lovingly, chewy.

what am i doing wrong..?

your sun is brighter than mine, but its okay.

humid and heaty, rainy and breezy.
i have you. i have a job. i want a career.
i have a card. i am taking another component of that card.
you are imperfect. i am too. but i hope you will be perfect soon.
never seems to be enough. i have nothing to pay for but i have nothing i keep.
where does it all go?

its a good feeling to know that no one reads this blog anymore.
not trying to sound like im seeking self pity, but it really does feel good.
perhaps those blog skippers might see so, hello and goodbye to
you.

little girl.
i admit you havent been on my mind very often.
but when you do..
when you do...
your birthday is easy to remember because its the same date as white day, which is a month after valentines.
and your departure is on a public holiday.
wait for me to get a 2-wheel.
i'll ride to see you.
i couldnt..make you move on.
but you helped me.

i owe you.

sleep is good.

i had an afternoon nap today.



in the dream...



i was in the train,heading to a destination i didn't know how to get to.then,common as it is,trains tend to jerk suddenly,so i was bumped by a woman.this woman was sorry,so we just started to chat.and that led to me knowing where she was heading to.coincedences happen alot in dreams,so its obvious that i was heading there too. so we went together,and we chatted and joked and laughed and suddenly she sped up.i thought she got sick of me,so i walked at my own pace.then she turned around,gave that fake impatient look and gave a sweet smile and said "why are you so slowwwwwww.hurry up!" and that kinda just made me more interested in her.i chased her and we were almost reaching the destination when i realised that she seemed flustered.she took out her phone,and called her friends.i thought this would be bye,but then she said on the phone "i'll be late,i'll meet you guys later?" then i asked her what was she heading to the place for,and she pointed to a countdown timer on a screen and there was fireworks.i watched fireworks with a stranger who was holding my arm. and strangely enough,that person reminded me of someone who used to be close and spent the nights telling me things and asking me if i knew about this arts event or that play and how to come about with this design and such. just as things were about to get sweet in the dream,i got a message.i woke up thinking,this can't be from her,right? i mean,thats just too magick.

and the message was mcdelivery.fucker.

i tried to sleep but it just couldn't come.
but now im thinking whether i should go and try to contact her again.
if you ever read this and you know its you,let's meet for coffee.

jupiter.

rediscover radiohead.

Groggy.

misterforg.

moresleeplesseatnolovemoremoneymoretimemorelucknohugnokissnoseeingnosmellingnocontactnocontractnosnacksmoreexerciselesscirclelesspregnantmoretonermorepowermorestrongermorefastermoresmartermorescariermorefiercermoreangerlessguilt.

yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

really need more sleep to shake off the sands on my eyes.so irritating siol the feelink.

wrong.