purple television corruption feels totally hopeless in everything that you have given maybe baby we could take everything off even the mask to impress but then again would you be magnetised towards each other if it came off in due time we all know opaque breaths can make you dead faster better stronger than the average but that is just above average so would that be enough for you who desires to be the fastest strongest betterest from the everyone that is everyone even though you know you might end up solo and then again maybe the things that you need arent needed to be shared with everyone else such that you could just live amongst yourself but then again can you handle it without having anyone around for any company and then maybe we can call it quits again because all you have time for is to blame for something that you blamed someone so long ago so you're no better than anyone else but then again the delusion comes so strongly that everyone seems POSITIVE when the cake is in the oven so maybe all you need is all that you want and then you can really call it quits because they have and they wont change their mind now no matter what you do cos u can't do anything anymore and that sucks because you know you can make others so easily and so skimmingly and perhaps that is the sort that would be perfect for you because everyone just eats your skin and then you start to leave and then you keep dropping hints that you wanna go back to the dark night but then again you couldn't because you have handcuffs already and then what happens when you dream about yourself and you know its not possible because what the hell is that about so that you really aren't that familiar with yourself such that you wake up without feeling yourself and then you just couldn't show it to anyone because you don't feel like you're in you're own body and then the magic ends,the music stops and you go off to find another music to easily find like the whole world is your HMV with a snap of your fingertips much people would recommend which music you would like to listen to now or such that the whole sea is your fishtank where you just dip your hand and you can get a pretty fish or you could go to Basheer and everything for you is just labellised to your picking and then you move along and they stay behind and they feel like they're stuck in between and then they know that they have to move along too unless the cleaners come and sweep you up and then you end the lights with regrets within your mind.
i hope i don't remember what this means by next year.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
fragility.
i think i understand myself a little better.
just a certain aspect.
just a small little part in my..hut.
just a certain aspect.
just a small little part in my..hut.
Monday, December 7, 2009
flashforward.
when all you know about growing up is getting beaten and fighting.
and all you'll ever be will be to fight.
fight for the ones who taught you.
the ones that taught you who to protect.
and just fight.
until we die.
then what purpose will you have.
find it,before it
sanserlaus.
and all you'll ever be will be to fight.
fight for the ones who taught you.
the ones that taught you who to protect.
and just fight.
until we die.
then what purpose will you have.
find it,before it
sanserlaus.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Sunday, November 22, 2009
opposite poles.
no matter how much u run,trying to achieve something else.
something you have known all along will be the end product.
be prepared sanserlau.that 4dimensional shelter is your future.
something you have known all along will be the end product.
be prepared sanserlau.that 4dimensional shelter is your future.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
of farewells.
sneaking into pictures,smilings,rowdy.
i wanted to send them off with smiles to show that i'm a big boy now.
that they don't need to worry.
that i'd take care of my sister.
that i'd stay out of trouble,because i've caused trouble for the past 20 years.
that i'd be there to receive them when they come back.
big smiles and hugs for my mother,making her laugh my stupid antics in front of relatives.
taking pictures.
pictures.
my dad hugged me.
for the first time that i can remember.
he's not that sort of man.much stoutness,mucho gusto.
he definitely has hugged me before,only when i cant remember that sorta age thingy.
it made me feel.alone.
it's like he's leaving.
i'm used to mom hugging me and me hugging her.
but this time she hugged my sis and bro naturally.
with me,it seemed like a little awkward.
i dont know how to describe it.
its not like she doesnt want to hug me,it just didnt feel natural.
I KNOW THEY'RE COMING BACK.
so why.
i didn't cry.my sister did.i think my brother did too.
i wanted to send them off with smiles to show that i'm a big boy now.
that they don't need to worry.
that i'd take care of my sister.
that i'd stay out of trouble,because i've caused trouble for the past 20 years.
that i'd be there to receive them when they come back.
big smiles and hugs for my mother,making her laugh my stupid antics in front of relatives.
taking pictures.
pictures.
my dad hugged me.
for the first time that i can remember.
he's not that sort of man.much stoutness,mucho gusto.
he definitely has hugged me before,only when i cant remember that sorta age thingy.
it made me feel.alone.
it's like he's leaving.
i'm used to mom hugging me and me hugging her.
but this time she hugged my sis and bro naturally.
with me,it seemed like a little awkward.
i dont know how to describe it.
its not like she doesnt want to hug me,it just didnt feel natural.
I KNOW THEY'RE COMING BACK.
so why.
i didn't cry.my sister did.i think my brother did too.
Monday, November 9, 2009
the soundtrack from house of cubes.
it's liberating to know what i have written here isn't being read,though there's a chance of it being read anyways.
but.no buts.
it isn't liberating,it's more like.
i have terrible use of english.
difficult to put into words.
though the emotions that tell me that they want to be written here whisper loudly.
but i don't have much emotions.
so it's more of thoughts processed and stored,frustrated and being put into pending.
i don't need to tell anyone about it,right?
i mean,it's good enough to know my own thinking,rather than telling it to someone, and he/she has a different perspective,and in turn affects the relationship.
i can't share whats in my head,my heart,my soul.
i can't cos i don't know how to,don't know whether i want to,and know that no one wants to.
so i decided from young,i'd be listening.
listening to the words whispered,shouted,spoken,screamed,cried,laughed.
listened to the words etched on the webs of the internet.
listened to alphabets on the messages people send.
listened to the words oozing out from body languages.
from their eyes,their hands,their hugs,their lips,their everything.
i listened,learned.
and over the time,i realised,i actually like it.
very much.
it's like a one-sided window with the mirror facing the confesser,if that is even a word.
and i'm just listening.spectating.
and it gets irritating when people wanna listen to me instead.
i have nothing to say.zilch.
nothing at all.
but.no buts.
it isn't liberating,it's more like.
i have terrible use of english.
difficult to put into words.
though the emotions that tell me that they want to be written here whisper loudly.
but i don't have much emotions.
so it's more of thoughts processed and stored,frustrated and being put into pending.
i don't need to tell anyone about it,right?
i mean,it's good enough to know my own thinking,rather than telling it to someone, and he/she has a different perspective,and in turn affects the relationship.
i can't share whats in my head,my heart,my soul.
i can't cos i don't know how to,don't know whether i want to,and know that no one wants to.
so i decided from young,i'd be listening.
listening to the words whispered,shouted,spoken,screamed,cried,laughed.
listened to the words etched on the webs of the internet.
listened to alphabets on the messages people send.
listened to the words oozing out from body languages.
from their eyes,their hands,their hugs,their lips,their everything.
i listened,learned.
and over the time,i realised,i actually like it.
very much.
it's like a one-sided window with the mirror facing the confesser,if that is even a word.
and i'm just listening.spectating.
and it gets irritating when people wanna listen to me instead.
i have nothing to say.zilch.
nothing at all.
zest of life.
it's been downhill wayward soul.
but there's a new gang in town.in its infancy,but with its purity.
grow,hoodlums,grow.
the old has been casted aside by many,now a new breed lives.
but there's a new gang in town.in its infancy,but with its purity.
grow,hoodlums,grow.
the old has been casted aside by many,now a new breed lives.
prevention of regret.
you let it eat you up,devour you,you embrace it,you feel accompanied,satisfied.
then you get older,you get alone.then that same loneliness is because of what you let devour you when you were younger,impressionable,searching,looking for something that you think would make you whole.
the memories.it would only be painful to your chest.
the connections things have to it would only serve to remind you,torture you.
the things you endured through just to lose it in the end.
the way it changes it's course,perhaps in you,perhaps in the other.
the time it leaves you.
the time it leaves the other.
the pitiful way you hang on hoping it will come back to you.
keep hanging.and hanging.and still hanging.
the way you want,but you know you can never have.
the stupidity of being affected when it doesn't even realise you.
doesn't care for you.
doesn't want you.
doesn't need you.
it isnt for you.
it never was,it never will.
it can give you what you think you need.
learn well sanserlau.you don't have alot of time left.
we're coming for you.get ready.
i know it.i'll kill it before it even bites.in cold-blood.
then you get older,you get alone.then that same loneliness is because of what you let devour you when you were younger,impressionable,searching,looking for something that you think would make you whole.
the memories.it would only be painful to your chest.
the connections things have to it would only serve to remind you,torture you.
the things you endured through just to lose it in the end.
the way it changes it's course,perhaps in you,perhaps in the other.
the time it leaves you.
the time it leaves the other.
the pitiful way you hang on hoping it will come back to you.
keep hanging.and hanging.and still hanging.
the way you want,but you know you can never have.
the stupidity of being affected when it doesn't even realise you.
doesn't care for you.
doesn't want you.
doesn't need you.
it isnt for you.
it never was,it never will.
it can give you what you think you need.
learn well sanserlau.you don't have alot of time left.
we're coming for you.get ready.
i know it.i'll kill it before it even bites.in cold-blood.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Thursday, October 8, 2009
you have it worse.
amid the F1 flies and the ever thirsty but never get a chance to feast on people's blood without risking dying mosquitoes and the noisy cicadas singing their song and the cranky sun shining strongly down the ground and the welcomed rain pelting down the windscreen and the ever lovely and loved clouds,there she was.
it was most probably due to being delirious with boredom,of having nothing to do,of just lying there,waiting for time to pass,waiting for the thursday to arrive, listening to the inane chatter of an old timer, and an older timer, trying to keep cool,not shaving because there wasnt a need to,drinking water,peeing silver,holding faeces for 4 nights and 5 days,listening to music,reading a thousand splendid suns, lying on that dreaded but thanked for safari bed,checking the phone for any contacts,none,playing with the TRS set with other drivers who were equally bored, smoking the life away,eating,talking,thinking,cards,prata and.
or it was just the way she appears in my mind,not all the time,but always sometimes.
what you did was unforgivable,but at the instance i remember you,i'd always forgive you.
you were too young to decide,i was too young and had pride.
things could've been different,much different.much different.
it was most probably due to being delirious with boredom,of having nothing to do,of just lying there,waiting for time to pass,waiting for the thursday to arrive, listening to the inane chatter of an old timer, and an older timer, trying to keep cool,not shaving because there wasnt a need to,drinking water,peeing silver,holding faeces for 4 nights and 5 days,listening to music,reading a thousand splendid suns, lying on that dreaded but thanked for safari bed,checking the phone for any contacts,none,playing with the TRS set with other drivers who were equally bored, smoking the life away,eating,talking,thinking,cards,prata and.
or it was just the way she appears in my mind,not all the time,but always sometimes.
what you did was unforgivable,but at the instance i remember you,i'd always forgive you.
you were too young to decide,i was too young and had pride.
things could've been different,much different.much different.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
perception point
its getting difficult
to breathe
to eat
to drink
to live
to see
to feel
to smell
to taste
to expect
to live up to expectations
to care
to share
to wonder
to amaze
to be amazed
to hold on
to hope on
to carry on
makan time,everything's okay already
or so it is
to breathe
to eat
to drink
to live
to see
to feel
to smell
to taste
to expect
to live up to expectations
to care
to share
to wonder
to amaze
to be amazed
to hold on
to hope on
to carry on
makan time,everything's okay already
or so it is
Saturday, June 27, 2009
not having much left
i dont regret that she took my heart,almost all of it with her as she ended hers
i just regret that i didnt give all of it to her
however insignificant my heart was,and however held back with what would happen and the consequences were.
irresponsiblyuaib
thinking that i'd live through my life without regrets,i'm having one right now
and people with choices,choose when you still have it.
dont lament this and that.
its true about what someone told me,you'd never get over it.
so i'm pretty glad i won't get over it
cos i wont forget,and im a forgetful person
so dont let me forget.please.
just a hug before you go,come back to me,
chicky
i just regret that i didnt give all of it to her
however insignificant my heart was,and however held back with what would happen and the consequences were.
irresponsiblyuaib
thinking that i'd live through my life without regrets,i'm having one right now
and people with choices,choose when you still have it.
dont lament this and that.
its true about what someone told me,you'd never get over it.
so i'm pretty glad i won't get over it
cos i wont forget,and im a forgetful person
so dont let me forget.please.
just a hug before you go,come back to me,
chicky
Saturday, June 6, 2009
going away
for the 2nd timers it shouldnt be special at all la
but alot of things happen just before going in
at least there's things to think about
and think thoroughly through
and come to the same conclusion
overandoverepeatedagain
but alot of things happen just before going in
at least there's things to think about
and think thoroughly through
and come to the same conclusion
overandoverepeatedagain
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Sunday, April 26, 2009
sudah tua
kite orang orange
minat graygreen
minat perempuan itu
tapi makan sudu
kita pergi mandi
pakai berus gigi
masuk dalam army
terus boleh mati
kita sedang mendak
perkataan hendak
ada maksud ke tidak
dah lama tak botak
hokay you i love you but lets fatality this
minat graygreen
minat perempuan itu
tapi makan sudu
kita pergi mandi
pakai berus gigi
masuk dalam army
terus boleh mati
kita sedang mendak
perkataan hendak
ada maksud ke tidak
dah lama tak botak
hokay you i love you but lets fatality this
Friday, April 10, 2009
vomitter
technologic feeding frenzy filling up faux emotional backing surrendipituos concentration towards desire to require information technologic
repete with bad spellerings
findyoulovely,lovelyfinder
repete with bad spellerings
findyoulovely,lovelyfinder
Sunday, April 5, 2009
ooh old school
i saw 11.11 on the clock
i dont believe that crap about someone thinking about you when you look at the clock at 11.11
thats just creepy
bookin time
seeyuhwheniseeyuh
i dont believe that crap about someone thinking about you when you look at the clock at 11.11
thats just creepy
bookin time
seeyuhwheniseeyuh
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